


Saving People

by fallenandthefaithless (billys_consulting_flatmates)



Series: season 13 codas [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Episode: s13e11 Breakdown, F/M, Sam's POV, coda fic, hinted at Dean/Cas, hinted at Sam/Eileen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 11:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13523721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billys_consulting_flatmates/pseuds/fallenandthefaithless
Summary: It felt as if the world had been threatening to fall on its side for a long time and now, with this last blow, it had finally caved and fallen and smashed to pieces and Sam was left in the middle of the mess.





	Saving People

The trip back to the bunker had never taken so long. The radio remained off and Dean didn’t try to talk to him again, sensing that he was far from willing to carry a conversation right now.  Donna’s breaking voice played over and over in his mind and Sam couldn’t look away from the dark window. He felt that if he moved he would break and there was no chance of putting himself back together. Not this time.

Dean had told him only weeks ago that he didn’t believe in anything anymore. Watching his brother crumble had been difficult enough but with the loss of Mary weighing heavily on him Sam had barely found it in himself to keep carrying his brother. And now, having lost their chance to save Mary, having lost Jack and Kaia, Sam couldn’t find the point anymore.

No matter what Dean said about this being a dark place he just had to get over, Sam could remember quite clearly what Dean’s ‘dark place’ had been like. He could still feel the weight of his brothers dead body in his hands. Dean’s win, as he called it, had fixed that but the universe didn’t seem to look so kindly upon Sam. There were no wins coming, not for him.

It felt as if the world had been threatening to fall on its side for a long time and now, with this last blow, it had finally caved and fallen and smashed to pieces and Sam was left in the middle of the mess. People shouldn’t be allowed near them. It never ended well. All it did was put them in danger and then they ended up dead. Something would get to them; angels, immortal humans, hellhounds, or they’d get trapped in alternate universes.

And it didn’t seem to matter how good they were at looking after themselves, seasoned hunters and angels alike had fallen because of them. Yes, Cas had somehow come back to them but maybe it was better that he kept his distance now.

The bunker was dark and cold when they finally arrived, slowly making their way down the stairs. Nobody was there to greet them. Every chair stood empty, a silent effigy for every person they had lost along the road. Sam paused in the war room and stared at the tables in the library, each of them used once upon a time and now left to gather dust. Ketch had called this place a tomb and maybe he was right. Instead of dead bodies it housed all the ghosts of the people they had hurt.

Dean had wandered off, to bed or the kitchen or a shower, Sam couldn’t say and didn’t really care. Dean, who could somehow carry on, who could still see a light at the end of the tunnel. Except it wasn’t a tunnel anymore, and maybe Dean could kid himself into thinking it was, but Sam knew better. It was brick wall at the end and they were speeding towards it. It was only a matter of when and how and how many others they were going to drag along with them before it ended in a bloody smear.

Somehow he made it to his room where he dropped his bag and promptly fell onto the bed, fully clothed. His room felt small, the walls harsh and the floor cold. It was hard to believe that this was the same room he’d once entertained thoughts of a proper family in; of Dean and Mom and Cas and Eileen. Hard to believe that it was here, staring up at this ceiling that he’d wondered what it would be like to hold her for longer, to kiss her and see her smile every day. It all seemed like a child’s wish now.

She was gone, they all were and now it was just him and Dean and no matter what they’d once said, it wasn’t enough. But they didn’t deserve more. All they did was hurt and bleed and kill other people. They didn’t deserve that.

She hadn’t deserved that.

Sam’s eyes slipped shut and he clenched his fists in the blankets beneath him.

None of them deserved what the Winchesters had done to them. They should have all just run as far away as possible, saved themselves.

Distantly he could hear Dean’s bedroom door close and with that the bunker fell into complete silence once more. Just like a tomb. A tomb that was empty of anything but ghosts and the monsters that had killed them.

The monster that had killed her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading guys, I hope you enjoyed it. Here's hoping that Sam gets a hug sometime soon at the very least. 
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](http://fallenandthefaithless.tumblr.com/), come say hi!


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